ι ѕєє α вα∂ мσση αяιѕιη' ♡

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He blushed and whacked his hand away from his head. "Yeah, yeah." he mumbled. "You should probably go away." As if he really meant it. But he had to keep up the act. He knew he was obvious, but the unrequited nature of his crush was also just as obvious. He didn't want to face it right now.

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

Alexsander looked offended, "Well, fine. If you want me gone, I'll go."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

Telling himself the need to frown and maybe cry a little bit was out of the question, he sighed. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just... You're... important, I guess." he winced. "You have other things to do. And it's probably getting close to dinner time anyway." Grasping for straws.

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

He rolled his eyes, "I don't really have anywhere to be, Nicky. You should know that I am notorious for shirking all of my responsibilities."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that sarcasm? I'm having difficulty figuring out if that's sarcasm or not."

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

He laughed, "No, I wasn't being sarcastic. I don't want to do much today."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He hummed with a frown before nodding. He was about to open his mouth - though what he was going to say was unknown, whether it was going to be another excuse to get away or a proposition to hang out - before he was thrown into a coughing fit, tears gathering at the edges of his lids and throat bobbing at the need to swallow around the sudden, hot dryness. "It appears," he spoke around broken, gasping words, sounding as if he was fighting another bout of coughing, "that I'm allergic to something in here." He choked and coughed again, body spasming and becoming sore. And just because his luck sucked, what happened next? He sneezed. Not once. Not twice. Four times in a row before he finally stood and gave a broken 'I'm sorry' and fled the room, presumably to the bathroom to take care of his extremely confusing neck-up problems.

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

Alexsander raised his eyebrows as the boy fled. That had been entirely random- and very strange.

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

Was it a cheap excuse? Yes. Did he have a reason? No. At least not one that wouldn't make people immediately assume all he wanted was pity. Nikolas had a problem with grtting close to people; he longed to be romantically involved with someone who loved him and held him and took care of him, but it frightens him as well. He was a very reserved boy, and didn't trust easily. That, and he had a sneaking suspicion he'd only mean trouble for the Shadowhunter if they got even closer. Either by hurting him, emotionally or physically, or leaving him because he couldn't handle it.

Sighing, he wiped at his sniffling nose. Alexsander was too good for him; that was one thing he knew off the bat. And even if he was given a chance, he was sure the older attractive man would realize he would be wasting his life with someone who didn't deserve even polite attentions from him.

Wincing, he shook his head free of the thoughts and focused on making dinner. If only he could wipe away the tight, dreading feeling in his heart just as easily.

One thing was for certain though, now that he was focused on basting: he would need to apologize the next time he got a chance. If Alex wanted to be around him at all again, that is.

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

"Hello there, twerp," Nikita gave Nikolas's hair a very affectionate ruffle and bumped his hips lightly, "What'cha up to?"

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

"Trying and failing to make chicken." He pouted and sighed. "I wanna sleep forever." He whimpered quietly before pushing away from the counter. "Everything I love I push away." He frowned at her. "Why do I do that?"

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

"Tell me about it, sweet pea," Nikita hopped onto the counter and patted his cheek, "What exactly are you referring to?"

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He frowned at her. "Everything! When I read a good book that has a great romance plot, I'm always hoping that something bad happens to one or both of them so that they're split apart. It's not that I don't want them to be happy together, it's just..." He sighed. "And then, outside of books and such, whenever I do anything... I just can't handle intimacy, I guess. Or commitment. Or romance. Or anything that's even closely related to 'boys'. Or 'girls'. Or 'boys and girls'." He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I don't even have a proper excuse for it either, and that's what really sucks about it. I hurt all of these people around me, and I have nothing to say to them to make them understand. Just a bunch of different things that I can't handle even though I yearn for them with every fiber of my being, until it's all I can think about." He looked up at her with wide puppy eyes, unshed tears threatening at the lids. "What's wrong with me? Am I just one of the unfortunate who aren't meant to be the good guys?" He leaned against the counter. "Am I a bad guy just pretending to be a good guy?"

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

Nikita frowned and brushed her thumb over his cheek, "Don't cry, Nicky. You're not a bad guy. You're scared, that's all. We all feel that way."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He frowned at her, wanting to lean into her touch but feeling irritated by it as well, oddly enough. It was probably just his hormones out of whack. He was a growing teenager, it was to be expected. "But I don't want to be scared. How long am I going to be scared?"

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

"That depends. Everyone grows out of that at different times," Nikita shrugged, "Alexsander grew out of his quickly. I took a little longer."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He stared at her. "You were scared?" He blinked. "Alex was scared? You guys were scared?" He seemed owlish at the time, snapping his mouth shot and then having it fall open again a few times. "But I thought you guys weren't scared of anything. You guys are like... like..." He shook his head, trying to find the word. "I don't know. Invincible."

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

"Of course we were," Nikita laughed, throwing her head back. Her dark hair slipped over her shoulders with every movement. She had a great, full laugh, "We were younger once. We still get scared, even now. We're just better at hiding it."

[∂яινє му ωσℓƒ ωιℓ∂ ♥]

He tilted his head. "What are you guys scared of?"

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

"Let's see.." Nikita tapped her lips with perfectly manicured nails, "Losing one another, and others we care about. Getting hurt. Not feeling enough before we die."