I'm sorry but.. I have to get this out of my system

[CrimsonMoon]

I feel like a freak
When we got back to Colorado from a trip. I felt like breaking down
Why?
Because the stress is killing me

My little twin is tall, pretty, athletic and 'innocent' and gets anything she wants

My big sister is super tall, beautiful, skinny and is popular and loved

Most importantly, both of them are smart and get all the attention

Then there's me.. I look like a drug dealer, i'm not athletic, not particularly smart and when i get attention...
I was waiting for my family to get their bags from the terminal... I heard a little girl say to her mom 'he's scary'... I almost broke down
Next... Grown-ups kept walling past and staring at me like i was a science experiment. A disgusting specimen that would be better off elsewhere

I worry about my future: why havent i found anything i can do for the rest of my like? Will i ever have someone who loves me? Will i go yo a good college? Will i get a good job? Will i get enough money? Will i be the shame of my family?... Will anyone ever REALLY love me? Look at me and say 'She's different from everyone... I love her..'?
I have wonderful friends that i will die for... So why do they move on?

The stress of my family's success is KILLING me!!

But i don't smoke, don't drink, don't cut, don't snap at people..

And it makes me feel better... Like life's worth living when i make people laugh or smile or make them love themselves... But why can't i summon up the courage to love me? To give a damn about myself..? Why do other people look at me like a monster..?

/I'M\ the third wheel... Useless.... To my own family

[Deleted]

Crimmen <3 We love you with all our hearts and don't care how you look or how other people look at you. Because we know the real you, the one that's inside of you, and that's who we love. There will be someone out there who will look at you like we do, and will love you for the beauty within, and not without. I'm not sure why they look at you like that, and I'm not sure why they assume things, but what I feel you need to focus on is you. What makes you happy? What makes you feel worthwhile? Maybe you should start to focus on the topics in school that really interest you and can get your mind off of things. I know that competition and jealousy within family is common... I go through it every once in a while. But you have to find a balance. And you know you can always come on here and talk with us, whether that's through threads or PM.

[CrimsonMoon]

I just feel even worse because i'm bitching and whining about my family... A good family... When i know people that have it so much worse then me

I act happy for them. Because i want them to have hope or SOMETHING...

And i'm SO f***ING SICK OF BEING SO HELPLESS!!!

WHY THE HELL CAN'T I HELP ANYONE?!?

Why can't i be useful to someone who really needs it?!?

[Deleted]

Shh, Crimmen, calm... It's alright. We're here to help you. You shouldn't feel bad for venting. We've done it before. You have the right to do so.

Do they act happy for you? I'm sure they want to give you the same positive energy you give them...

Shh, you're not helpless, you're strong, I know you are. You just have to... prove it to others. Not in violence, but in intelligence, maturity, and positivity.

You help more than you think. You help me when I'm feeling miserable. You reply to our threads, and I swear when I see your username my frown turns upside down! You help all of us on here, and we love you. You help others in your life, as well. You may not see it, but I'm sure you've met people who you've helped without even realizing it. It doesn't take a large thing.

Perhaps you just need to be open to everyone.

Who do you think needs it?

[нαℓƒ~мσση]

Crimmen<3

Don't feel so bad, girl! Kai's right- you aren't helpless, you're just young. Just starting out in this world. Not many people feel like they have helped others when they're young. But you could have in ways you didn't realize.

[Deleted]

Yup, I agree with Lacey. You help people consciously and subconsciously.

[Етеяиiту]

Hey crimmy thats not true, your a wonderful person, you helped ME, someone you've never personally met, you helped me! I know what it feels like to be looked at like a freak, a monster, when I'm covered in bruises and don't even look like myself I've heard kids say that, we love you here and I'm POSITIVE you will find a boy out there who will love you how we see you, a sweet girl who is intelligent, gentle, cares for everyone, and is a beautiful girl. Everyone has beauty, wether you choose to see that beauty in someone or not is your choice but you are beautiful crimmy no matter what the heck you look like, your sisters may have outer beauty, which I'm sure you have as well, but they don't have a heart like yours, they don't care for people like you do, you are an amazing woman. And crimmy, if you ever feel useless come to me so i can prove to you how much you've helped me because i don't think i ever got to finish telling you what happened a week after i visited my doctor.

[CrimsonMoon]

Thanks guy <:3

Sorry... I've never vented like that in my life

Thanks for telling me all this... You guys are awsome x3 i love y'alls *huggle squish*

[Етеяиiту]

Of course deary, we all love you too <33333

And you should vent *huggle squish*

[Deleted]

Yeah, it's ok to vent -- it gets the frustration out

[~echo~]

I know this is an old thread, but I just wanted to put something out there~

If you have the ability to make somebody feel better about themselves, or to make them laugh then that is a very, very valid talent! You should feel good about that ability because a lot of the stuff you post (whether its a rp post or OOC) it always at least makes me smile! You are also a really good writer! You always have the best ideas for continuing roleplays, stuff that even I would have never thought of in a million years!

I hope you feel better (even though this is an older thread )